I agree. It's on men to save themselves. Older men who haven't gotten trapped and calcified in unhealthy and un-useful and destructive ways of being need to work with younger men--their children, or their students, or kids in other contexts: sports, clubs, etc. It's our own fault that we allowed previous efforts to get laughed off the field (anyone remember Iron John) instead of finding what wisdom and healthfulness there might be in them and then adapting them to feel more palatable. But I think we also have to avoid the "should attention swing back to men" language, as though only one sex at a time can get taken care of. We're all in this together, for good or for ill.
Good article, Mona. I agree. The increase of listless young males has become a dangerous situation ripe for exploitation. Our culture needs to find a healthy way to help young men. In my practice as a therapist I saw more young men flailing to find their identities. It was easier for young women.
I once asked a wise male friend why equality with women felt so threatening to some men. He explained that, for many men, equality doesn’t feel like equality, it feels like inferiority. Men have been conditioned through many, many generations to feel like they are not a man unless they are dominant over women. Being equal to a woman feels like being less than. One of the worst insults of male can give another male is to accuse him of being “ like a girl.”
Maybe our education system favors girls? Boys may need more active, interactive forms of learning. So I’m guessing that this is one problem. Women often do better at higher education than males, and that can feel emasculating.
Women as a whole have fought hard for our empowerment. Now men need to fight hard for their empowerment and the right to be all that they are. I agree with you, this shift needs to come from men. I believe that men need permission to acknowledge their feelings, to heal their insecurities, and to give up that toxic male narcissistic identity which is so destructive not just to them, but to everyone around them.
There’s this old saying that women weren’t allowed to feel anger and men weren’t allowed to feel sadness. Brian Keeley on Substack remarked that giving up your anger feels like you’re losing something. We women had everything to gain by claiming our voices and our power. We let ourselves be angry about the inequities and we fought for change.
Some men are trying to reclaim power by disempowering women and becoming more angry. In reality, I believe they need to claim the power to be fully actualized beings. The freedom to cry, fail, be vulnerable, and to not have to be the strong ones all the time. Some men are changing, but it takes a lot of courage. This kind of courage is very different from the courage it took for women to change.
Women can help by admiring men who want to be equal partners. We can stop expecting men to be the strong ones all the time. We can be patient, supportive, and understanding as men figure this out. We can recognize our conditioning to admire macho men and to seek out honest, kind, loving men instead. We can also let men be their true selves even when we feel threatened and judgmental when we see the ways they are different from us.
I certainly don’t have the answers. These are just my thoughts. We can’t be the experts on men any more than men can be the experts on women. I commend you for raising the issue.
Only men can save themselves. The world is changing. Change or suffer & perish. Women aren’t going to fix the self-inflicted wound of these type of men. If men don’t address this with self-growth, they will get a Darwin Award for removing their genes from the gene pool.
What are mediocre looking, short women with not so great genetics doing to ensure they don’t procreate and create another generation of struggling men ?
The benchmarks for looks, height, physique, sexual ability, confidence, charm, money are all higher for men than for women in order to be valued in society and desired by opp sex.
In my experience, lots of really ugly men married to really beautiful women. Not that common to see it the other way around. (Looks)
Also, I think women are required to be thin more than men. (Physique)
Height - that’s a criterion that cuts both ways - very limited range of acceptable height for each, just the male range starts and ends higher than the female.
I agree with you on confidence and money. Not charm or sexual ability.
“we’ve tried doing nothing, and now we’re out of ideas!” -the new matriarchy dealing with this
I agree. It's on men to save themselves. Older men who haven't gotten trapped and calcified in unhealthy and un-useful and destructive ways of being need to work with younger men--their children, or their students, or kids in other contexts: sports, clubs, etc. It's our own fault that we allowed previous efforts to get laughed off the field (anyone remember Iron John) instead of finding what wisdom and healthfulness there might be in them and then adapting them to feel more palatable. But I think we also have to avoid the "should attention swing back to men" language, as though only one sex at a time can get taken care of. We're all in this together, for good or for ill.
Good article, Mona. I agree. The increase of listless young males has become a dangerous situation ripe for exploitation. Our culture needs to find a healthy way to help young men. In my practice as a therapist I saw more young men flailing to find their identities. It was easier for young women.
I once asked a wise male friend why equality with women felt so threatening to some men. He explained that, for many men, equality doesn’t feel like equality, it feels like inferiority. Men have been conditioned through many, many generations to feel like they are not a man unless they are dominant over women. Being equal to a woman feels like being less than. One of the worst insults of male can give another male is to accuse him of being “ like a girl.”
Maybe our education system favors girls? Boys may need more active, interactive forms of learning. So I’m guessing that this is one problem. Women often do better at higher education than males, and that can feel emasculating.
Women as a whole have fought hard for our empowerment. Now men need to fight hard for their empowerment and the right to be all that they are. I agree with you, this shift needs to come from men. I believe that men need permission to acknowledge their feelings, to heal their insecurities, and to give up that toxic male narcissistic identity which is so destructive not just to them, but to everyone around them.
There’s this old saying that women weren’t allowed to feel anger and men weren’t allowed to feel sadness. Brian Keeley on Substack remarked that giving up your anger feels like you’re losing something. We women had everything to gain by claiming our voices and our power. We let ourselves be angry about the inequities and we fought for change.
Some men are trying to reclaim power by disempowering women and becoming more angry. In reality, I believe they need to claim the power to be fully actualized beings. The freedom to cry, fail, be vulnerable, and to not have to be the strong ones all the time. Some men are changing, but it takes a lot of courage. This kind of courage is very different from the courage it took for women to change.
Women can help by admiring men who want to be equal partners. We can stop expecting men to be the strong ones all the time. We can be patient, supportive, and understanding as men figure this out. We can recognize our conditioning to admire macho men and to seek out honest, kind, loving men instead. We can also let men be their true selves even when we feel threatened and judgmental when we see the ways they are different from us.
I certainly don’t have the answers. These are just my thoughts. We can’t be the experts on men any more than men can be the experts on women. I commend you for raising the issue.
Only men can save themselves. The world is changing. Change or suffer & perish. Women aren’t going to fix the self-inflicted wound of these type of men. If men don’t address this with self-growth, they will get a Darwin Award for removing their genes from the gene pool.
What are mediocre looking, short women with not so great genetics doing to ensure they don’t procreate and create another generation of struggling men ?
The benchmarks for looks, height, physique, sexual ability, confidence, charm, money are all higher for men than for women in order to be valued in society and desired by opp sex.
In my experience, lots of really ugly men married to really beautiful women. Not that common to see it the other way around. (Looks)
Also, I think women are required to be thin more than men. (Physique)
Height - that’s a criterion that cuts both ways - very limited range of acceptable height for each, just the male range starts and ends higher than the female.
I agree with you on confidence and money. Not charm or sexual ability.
Of course, your experience may vary, as they say.
I’ve been saying this for years: men’s problems must be solved by men. It is time they quit looking to women to solve their problems. We can’t.
Not our circus. Not our monkeys.
What is happening with men is exactly what feminists like you not only wanted but demanded. So enjoy the fall there will not be any men to catch you.
We ChANgED gender norms, and now the entire weetern civilization is collapsing.
Complete nonsense
Only wife bots can save civilization
There are plenty other problems out there than porn, calm down.